Worth Dying For
by Phoenix-chick12
Summary: "They've left me. They've all left me. Everyone. My friends. My family. Everyone." Sam is alone, with no one to turn to. Especially not her two best friends.  Rated T for future character death...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is the first part of a 2-shot (perhaps even a 3-shot). I'm still struggling to link the start of the second part to this... but I do know where I want to go with this. It's all from Sam's POV!**

**Warning: This is NOT happy Seddie! :( It is also my first iCarly fic, so the caracters are OOC. Especially Sam!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, I just own the idea for the story!**

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_**Worth Dying For**_

_**Part 1**_

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They've left me. They've all left me. Everyone. My friends. My family. Everyone.

Everyone I've ever known, everyone I've ever cared for, has somehow left me. My dad moved away with my twin sister (and I haven't heard from them since), my mother turned to alcohol, my friends turned away from me. All I thought I had was my two best friends, Carly and Freddie. They're the only ones who have always stayed by my side; they've always been there for me, without asking much in return. I thought it would be Carly, the perfect girl, Freddie, the tech-geek, and me, the vicious tomboy, forever. They complemented me, softened me, and I hoped I complemented them in the same way. We were the perfect trio. I relied on them being there for me, as I thought they relied on me, because I thought we'd be best friends forever.

How naive was I?

How could I put so much trust and faith in two people, when every other single person has left me? How could I think that they would want to be friends with such a vicious, dangerous, selfish person? How could they love me like I love them? I should have known that they'd leave me too, without caring how it hurt me. But, silly old me, I ignored my instincts, and let them into my life. I should have known that they'd leave me, push me away, because they had each other.

I should have known that Carly would finally see how brilliant Freddie was, and let him have her like he always wished. I should have known that she'd take him away from me before I had the chance to tell him.

Because, you know what? I love him. I really love him. He's all I want, all I need; he's my everything. But he left me! And not for any old girl; no. He left me for my _best friend_! How could he do this to me; how could I have let him break me like he did?

And he didn't even see me, not truly. He was too in love with Carly, too much like a lost puppy following her around, that he didn't see me. Sure, I'd do things to make him notice me, but it usually annoyed him that I'd take his attention away from her. Not for the first time, I came second-best to Carly.

Usually, I'm not surprised at coming second to her, because, compared with me, she was perfect. Where she was model-tall, skinny, with fair skin, long straight brown hair and sparkling chocolate eyes; I was a medium height, slim tomboy with loose and wild blonde curls, lightly sun-kissed skin, and near-ice blue eyes. She was kind, friendly, clever, popular and amazingly patient, whereas I was abrasive, cruel, icy, academically stupid and impatient. It's fair enough that everyone loves Carly, leaving me in her shadow, yet again.

But it became too much when I saw them together, making our trio to their pair plus me, the unwanted spare-part. I finally saw how they didn't need anything thing, or anyone but each other. I saw when I wasn't needed. I know that they forget the world when they're together, and it burns in me how much I want to be the one that he forgets everything with, but it slices my heart yet again when I remember that I can't and will never be that person, because that's Carly.

I was slowly retreating into myself, closing myself off to everyone. I stopped paying attention to anything but _them_. I know it's self destructive, but he was all I saw, and she was always by his side, so I had no choice, I was doomed from the start. I nearly never showed up at school anymore, and when I did, I was usually sent to the principal's office for not participating in the class. He was the only adult that seemed to care, but I knew that one person out of a thousand caring didn't really matter; it didn't really mean anyone else decided to care. Especially not the two of them, now that they had each other.

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**A/N: Sorry about where it stopped! I will try to finish it off asap! :D**

**Review? :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is the first part of a 2-shot. Here's the second part of the story. I've had to edit it due to some lovely people pointing out some errors. I'm writing this as part of an english thing, so I can't use their names, soooo if you find anything wrong, please tell me!**

**Warning: This is NOT happy Seddie! :( It is also my first iCarly fic, so the caracters are OOC. Especially Sam!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, I just own the idea for the story!**

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_**Worth Dying For**_

_**Part 2**_

I should have just gone. I should have just run for my life, turned on my heel and fled, ensuring my sanity. My choices were: if I stay, it won't be long til I'm burning on the inside; if I go, I can only hope that I can make it to the other side.

Today I realised something. I don't matter one bit to the happy couple. All they see is a blonde-headed demon, a non-human entity that isn't capable of any human thought or emotion. Either that or I'm their mistreated pet, their vicious, underfed dog kept in a small cage.

Today was it though; I've decided that it's all I can take. I just can't go on like this. I can't look after myself; I can't even attempt to care about my schooling, no matter how much it could potentially benefit me in my future... But I worked out today that I don't have a future.

I know I'm not meant to be on this earth, that I was never really meant to be. I know that if I continue on like this, I'd just be isolated and excluded from the people I love. I'd just cause them pain and embarrassment, like they cause me pain and heartbreak every time I see them, without them even noticing. I can't just move away, just leave for some other part of the country, or even somewhere else in the world, because I know they're here, having a brilliant life without me, Carly having the life I'll always dream of, with the person I've always wanted, but I know I'll never get.

Freddie will always love Carly; Carly will always have the perfect life with Freddie. Mum's going to drink herself to death, no matter what happens to me. School will go on; the principal will have other delinquents to deal with. My twin won't even know I'm gone, that's how little we talk. I don't think Dad will notice.

Life will go on. Day will turn to night, then the sun will rise again, bringing a new day, a beautiful day in this rainy city. Perhaps the sun will even show its face, giving the dawn a light pink blush. A blush similar to the one Freddie used to give me when he smiled at me, back when I could feel. But that won't matter, not to me, because I doubt I'll even see the dawn again.

I've got a bottle of sleeping pills that I stole from Mum's locked medicine cabinet. She won't notice; she's got plenty of others that one missing won't matter. I feel like I'm taking the coward's way out, but I'm not brave enough to do anything else. The strong girl that the world thought they knew was only a facade, a mask. This is the bravest I will ever be.

I know the only way out, the only way to stop the pain for everyone is for me to leave this world forever. Everyone I've ever cared for or loved has left me in some way, but that's all just been physically moving away, or emotionally shunning me. They've all gone somewhere else, somewhere away from me because it's happier there; and because I love them all, I want them to be truly happy, no matter how much they've hurt me. I know the only way they can be happy is to forget I was ever here, and the only way they can do that is if I am not _here_ anymore.

I've already taken about ten of those little white tickets to escape. I'm starting to feel a bit groggy, and scared. Have I done the right thing?

I need music to calm me. I stumble over to the stereo, taking the bottle of pills with me – I know I'll need them again in a moment.

I turn on whatever is in there, and blast it out of the speakers. It makes me forget the fear, and I continue to take the pills, one at a time, until there's only about three left. God, I'm tired. Huh, funny, that. I slump down onto the floor next to the speakers, resting my head against the wall, my eyes drifting closed, only to blink blearily open a few moments later.

I swear I can hear sirens through the rain that I'm sure is falling, but that could just be my imagination making the most of the last moments I have left on the Earth. I sigh, thinking about blaming them all for this, but I know that they're only reacting to me, so technically, it's my fault; I'm the only one I can blame for my isolation. I sigh once more, my eyes drifting closed for the last time. I can feel my body getting heavy, my heart-beat slowing.

The last thoughts pass through my head, _Does any care where I've been, where I seem to go now? Does anybody care anymore?_ I already knew the answer: no. No one has ever cared, and they never will.

As my breathing slowed to a glacial pace, almost non-existent, I thought I heard my door opening, but I was too tired to turn. I thought I heard Freddie yell out "NO!", but I knew it was just my imagination.

_You're too late, Freddie. You're too late, and you can't save me. I'm gone for good, now. I'm gone..._

My heart beat its last, my breath finally escaped my lungs in a soft sigh, and I slid sideways to the floor. I was finally gone from this world, never to bother anyone again.

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**A/N: What do you think? Review? :P**


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